{lady luck}

One of my best friends just got engaged… Yay!!! 

And while I am extremely thrilled for her, it hurts my heart at the same time.  I shared the great news with my mom and she said something that has struck a chord.  She said, “wow… lucky her.”  Lucky her.  Is that what it is?  Luck?  Am I just plagued with bad luck?  On some extent I can believe that luck plays a role.  I do not think my friend is lucky that someone asked her to marry her.  She ought to have it, they both should.  They have a great relationship that they put a lot of time and effort into making it great.  They deserve to get married.  I do however think she is lucky to have him.  Not in the sense of “wow, how’d she get him,” but that she deserves it, him, the relationship, to be happy and to be in love.  She is lucky to have found him.  That’s the part that I feel like is out of my hands.  If I never believed in a higher power before, dating sure as hell makes me believe it now.  I feel as if I can put myself out there and do a lot of work to try and find someone, but it is LUCK to come across that one person who fits the bill. 

Now, I am not a picky person, I have standards and preferences, but it all boils down to a feeling, to the chemistry.  I have had a lot of great “almosts”.  And there are a lot of amazing people who are now my exes.  But I haven’t found that one person who, as cliché and corny as it is, completes me.  (I do wish Tom Cruise wouldn’t have ruined that cliché because it is so true)  There has to be someone out there who will make me feel complete.  I am perfectly capable of living my life on my own; I have great friends and a wonderful family.  I feel very loved by all of them, but there is a void.  There is an emptiness that I want someone to fill.  All of the things that I want in my life start with that one perfect for me person.  Yes, I could have kids and a house and bla bla bla all by myself, but I want a partnership.  I want to feel the love of someone who has chosen to love me, who wants me, who actually thinks I am the most important person on this planet.  And I want so much to give that in return.  I want to know what it is like to truly be in love.  I don’t know what a loving relationship is like.  I have been in love but it has been one-sided and I was young.  If I were in that same relationship at my age now it wouldn’t have lasted 4 years, hell, it wouldn’t have lasted 4 months.  But I needed to learn from that as I needed to learn from every wrong relationship I have had.  Consider me schooled… you hear that universe?  I have learned my lessons… I am ready for the real thing!  Please! 

Maybe I need to start being superstitious and carry every good luck charm I can think of.  The funny thing is that I have always had a slight obsession with good luck charms.  I am not a superstitious person but I love the idea of charms bringing you luck.  I like the lore of them and it makes me feel the same as using my grandmother’s bowl to put strawberries in just as she always did.  They are steeped in tradition, isn’t that what superstition really is?  The belief in the tradition of good luck?  I guess I better stock up on horseshoes and clovers because I need all the luck I can get!!!  I want to be lucky in love!!!