{wow...}

Really wow…

I mean wow…

I don’t know how else to write it, say it, describe it.  But I had an amazing time last night.  The most comfortable, most fun, most laughable, most fun, most… did I say fun… first date.  The Smile has put a smile in my soul!  He is everything I expected and YAY! for more!!!! 

This is actually a hard post.  I don’t know how to gush.  I don’t know if I should gush yet.  I feel like I want to be as gushy, gushy as possible because I am so EXCITED about him.  But this makes me vulnerable.  Do I play it safe, even in the blogosphere, and keep calm or do I allow myself to be excited and shout it from the virtual web rooftops?  Do I get to actually allow myself to have these feelings, to enjoy these feelings even if it means being vulnerable and open to hurt?  YES.  Yes, I do.  I am owning up to them.  Guess what world wide web?  I am giddy.  I am thrilled.  I am ALL smiles.  I am so very, very EXCITED about this.  I cannot wait to see where it takes me.  My imagination is already running wild.  So here I am… running away with it and letting myself be more than hopeful… I have moved up a step to excitement!  And come hurt or vulnerability, I am going to still enjoy these feelings!

And on a side note...   ppppffffffffftttttttttttttttt to those who flaked out on me after the first date (or even before.)  You couldn’t top the feeling of excitement I have right now if you wanted to!

{burnout…}

I think I have gotten into an online dating slump.  I am burnt out on the millions of matches and no results.  It is a little disappointing when you realize that you have had over 600 guys come across your path and you have only met 3 of them.  And 2 out of those 3 both said they were interested in getting together again, only to flake out and never call.  The one thing I can say about online dating vs run-of-the-mill dating is that with online dating the guys are juggling many other options and with your standard meet-someone-in-a-bar-or-through-friends dating those guys usually only have you as an option.  I just hope that someday I will be the only option, or at least the favorite option.

There is a little good news to my gloom.  I finally got to talk to The Smile!!!  He is my favorite option!  He has been from the day I was matched with him and even though it has been a long slow process for us to get to actual communication he is still worth it.  I can’t wait to meet him (which will hopefully happen tomorrow.)  And I hope all of my expectations that I have conjured up in my mind come true.  I think he is the one who will get me the most, who would fit into my lifestyle, who would enjoy meeting and visiting my family, and so on and so on…

I’m keeping my fingers crossed that he is the solution to this online dating slump.  I am hoping that he can be the reason I can sign off of it for good!

{it continues}

Saw a dolphin on the way home from work yesterday (which the Romans and many other cultures consider very lucky)...

And The Smile emailed me again last night...

He asked for my number...

Yay, some progress!

BUT...

I haven't heard from The Bostonian since our date on Sunday.  The last communication was him going on about meeting up again...  It is always nerve racking... the time between a first date and a second date, especially if the first date went so well.  And with the nature of online dating there could be better offers coming in everyday.  This isn't the easiest situation, but it is still better than the alternative of having to find them on your own.  I am still hopeful that this process will come to an end soon... and it will have a happy ending!

{lucky streak}

A lucky lady bug landed on me last night...

And The Smile emailed me this morning!

I'm liking this lucky streak...

Let's see where it takes me.

{lucky me}

I had a date… I had a date… I had a date… La La La La!

And a GREAT date at that!!!  I think we have a new front runner my friends.  The Bostonian has soared past The Smile.  I have loved how spontaneous our meeting has been, starting with his forward email to bypass the “guided communication” and then an impromptu-ish date that happened to fit into our weekend.  It was all a bit unexpected and amazing.  The best part of it was that it all just felt good.  I wasn’t nervous, and I feel extremely comfortable with him.  We had drinks and then went for dinner.  And all of it seemed to just flow so naturally, no awkwardness at all.  He was easy to talk to (and I didn’t even talk too, too much), we had an engaged conversation all night.  I had an amazing time, did I already say that?  I had an amazing time!  And we talked about doing it again.  I can’t wait to hear from him and set it all up!  Yay for a date (finally) and a GREAT one!

Did I mention that I found a four leaf clover right before my date?  I was doing laundry and found it outside and… AND… I also found money in the dryer after my laundry.  I am thinking my luck has turned around!

{speak up}

I think I have learned a valuable life lesson.  “Always wear clean underwear!” NO, not that one… although it should be a given!  And I’d like to upgrade it to be “Life is too short to wear boring underwear.”  Ok, enough kidding aside… I have learned to speak up.  And not even in the out loud sense.  I have seen a pattern in instances where I am blue, or worried, or nervous, or what-have-you where I will spend a day or two fretting about it mulling it over, letting my feelings get amplified, getting really down in the dumps, and all without saying a word about it.  I have found that when I express my feelings, whether it be talking to someone, writing about it on here, or even just giving myself a moment to actually sit down and define the feelings I am having, I find that things get resolved much faster.  Even when there isn’t a specific problem, per say, things tend to always look up after I explain my situation to someone.  For instance, the other day when I was so blue and was complaining about my crazy roller coaster ride being all down hill lately… well, the day after I posted that I got emails from a few of the Dozen.  And even now as I write this I have received an invite to meet one of the newbies… The Bostonian! (more on him later) So here is my little mantra from now on… Speak Up!!!  I will now resort to blabbing on here about matters that bother me or bring me down.  I will admit to them and try to explain them… and with any luck in my new hypothesis… things will start to look up.

So… The Bostonian.  He is the newest addition to the Dating Dozen… I think he has successfully secured the vacant spot in the lineup.  He burst onto the scene without apologies.  He was very bold and forwent the “guided communication” process by sending me a very confident, admiring, and humorous email.  I really enjoyed the fact that he liked my profile so much that he wanted to bypass the back and forth.  It was nice that he pointed out the things that caught his eye and he even had the chutzpah to make fun of my spelling mistakes.  He was still open to answering questions and now we have moved past the dating site email to our personal emails… which again gives me the opportunity to Google!!!  And I have to say… he has a FUN last name.  So BRAVO to him for being forward in a good way and for being on track...  it only took his third email to ask to meet up.

{wishin' and hopin' and thinkin'}

Well, my little cloud has lifted!  And my single girl roller coaster is on the UP!  The Smile emailed me last night… a nice, long email.  And so did the cajun cutie!  Plus a new one in the works.  I would love to dish and gush about it all, but I am wondering just how much to reveal on this superhighway of information for the entire world to see.  I think that the point of this blog is to record my journey through singledom and not necessarily tell everyone everything about all of those involved. 

So… lets just say…. YIIIIIIIIIPPPPPPPPPPPPPEEEEEEEEEE!  I am so glad that this process is still chugging along and hope that it results in an actual date soon.  I haven’t had a date since Mr. Fish. 

Being paired with HUNDREDS of guys has only resulted in 1 date and 1 meeting in the last 2 months.  I wonder if people going into this process think it is going to produce immediate results.  I have to say, I did the online dating thing once before and only for a few weeks.  I got to the emailing stage and phone conversations pretty quickly with a handful of guys, but I only met one of them.  I ended up dating the one guy I met for about a month, which resulted in me ending my membership early.  The same kind of thing happened when I joined again.  The first week or so you seem to get the good matches and communication comes smoothly.  But things get hung up and some of those people you thought were on the path to an actual date seem to drop off the face of the earth.  You do have to keep in mind that they too are getting new matches every day and talking with several people at once.  So it is still a big gamble.  It is interesting to think that when you are matched with over 400 people in a two month period that it is still very hard to find someone.  All of the stars have to align just right… you have to write enough in your profile to represent yourself well, you have to have the right photographs, you have to answer his questions correctly, and you have to keep up with it all without seeming too eager.  And all of this while hoping there isn’t someone else who he gets matched with that catches his eye and interest more than you.  It is all just a big roll of the dice… but you are putting yourself out there more than you would if you were doing it all on your own.

Ok… sorry… it is mind-blowing… I have had over 400 matches come through my inbox.  Can you imagine that… a line up of 400 guys?  Talk about pick of the litter.  And here I am still wishin’ and hopin’ and  thinkin’ and prayin’… plannin’ and dreamin’… ok, enough Dionne Warwick.  But still, it is pretty crazy that out of 400 guys I have had only 1 date.  But, I do not want to just date for dating’s sake.  I want to connect with someone and I think that is still out there.  I think there are still great possibilities in the Dating Dozen. 

'Cau-au-ause, you won't get him

Thinkin' and a-prayin'

Wishin' and a-hopin'

'Cause wishin' and hopin' and thinkin' and prayin'

Plannin' and dreamin' his kisses will star-art

That won't get you into his heart...

{I need a BOOST}

blah!

I am in a dating funk.  I feel discouraged and disappointed.  I don't want to entertain these feelings or give them any more worth than I already have.  I have this vivid comic book scene playing out in my mind where the evil villains, Dis Courage and Dis Appointment, are trying to get me.  But with a little <POW> here and a few <BAM>s there… I am thinking I can defeat them.  Although, I might need Blind Faith to come save the day!

Ok… enough of my silly imagination. 

I actually enjoyed my weekend… had a picnic and concert in the park, had a nice dinner, got to see an old high school friend, and even got to enjoy a bit of the beach.  As much fun as I was having I came to the realization that I needed to get myself out of relaxation mode and get my tushie in gear with the loooooong list of chores I had at home.  So, Sunday I spend some good time working around the house… and in between the laundry, sweeping, unpacking, dishes, and all the other not-so-fun-but-necessary stuff it hit me like a slap in the face.  Loneliness.  It tends to creep in on me on Sundays for some reason.  Probably because I keep myself busy most other days, but it sure does sneak in.  And it is just this wave that comes over me… thank goodness I wasn’t hormonal or I would’ve had to mop the floors over.  I don’t want to sound pathetic or unstable… but even the best of us get down.  And I am here to say that it is hard… it is hard to go to baby showers.  It is hard to hear the happy news of your friend’s recent engagement.  It is hard to see blissful, sweet couples.  But through it all I have this underlying belief that it will happen.  Sometimes that belief is so faint that it is hard to detect, but I feel like I have to hold onto something.  So, on this roller coaster ride that is the single girl’s life… I am at that dip in the tracks… hopefully it will go up hill soon… heck, I could even go for being thrown for a loop right now.  I do not want to fall into the bitter or cynical side of singledom.  I find myself being envious of my friends and even strangers around me.  But when it goes from “aww, how sweet, I want that” to “why do they get it and I don’t”, I know it’s time to check the mirror and make sure my blue eyes haven’t turned green.  Jealousy don’t look good on anyone!  So… here’s to kicking Dis Courage and Dis Appointment’s butts… and here’s to staying a blue eyed girl.  Maybe I should go listen to Michael Bublé’s “Just Haven’t Met You Yet.”  Yeah… that sounds like a plan.

{lady luck}

One of my best friends just got engaged… Yay!!! 

And while I am extremely thrilled for her, it hurts my heart at the same time.  I shared the great news with my mom and she said something that has struck a chord.  She said, “wow… lucky her.”  Lucky her.  Is that what it is?  Luck?  Am I just plagued with bad luck?  On some extent I can believe that luck plays a role.  I do not think my friend is lucky that someone asked her to marry her.  She ought to have it, they both should.  They have a great relationship that they put a lot of time and effort into making it great.  They deserve to get married.  I do however think she is lucky to have him.  Not in the sense of “wow, how’d she get him,” but that she deserves it, him, the relationship, to be happy and to be in love.  She is lucky to have found him.  That’s the part that I feel like is out of my hands.  If I never believed in a higher power before, dating sure as hell makes me believe it now.  I feel as if I can put myself out there and do a lot of work to try and find someone, but it is LUCK to come across that one person who fits the bill. 

Now, I am not a picky person, I have standards and preferences, but it all boils down to a feeling, to the chemistry.  I have had a lot of great “almosts”.  And there are a lot of amazing people who are now my exes.  But I haven’t found that one person who, as cliché and corny as it is, completes me.  (I do wish Tom Cruise wouldn’t have ruined that cliché because it is so true)  There has to be someone out there who will make me feel complete.  I am perfectly capable of living my life on my own; I have great friends and a wonderful family.  I feel very loved by all of them, but there is a void.  There is an emptiness that I want someone to fill.  All of the things that I want in my life start with that one perfect for me person.  Yes, I could have kids and a house and bla bla bla all by myself, but I want a partnership.  I want to feel the love of someone who has chosen to love me, who wants me, who actually thinks I am the most important person on this planet.  And I want so much to give that in return.  I want to know what it is like to truly be in love.  I don’t know what a loving relationship is like.  I have been in love but it has been one-sided and I was young.  If I were in that same relationship at my age now it wouldn’t have lasted 4 years, hell, it wouldn’t have lasted 4 months.  But I needed to learn from that as I needed to learn from every wrong relationship I have had.  Consider me schooled… you hear that universe?  I have learned my lessons… I am ready for the real thing!  Please! 

Maybe I need to start being superstitious and carry every good luck charm I can think of.  The funny thing is that I have always had a slight obsession with good luck charms.  I am not a superstitious person but I love the idea of charms bringing you luck.  I like the lore of them and it makes me feel the same as using my grandmother’s bowl to put strawberries in just as she always did.  They are steeped in tradition, isn’t that what superstition really is?  The belief in the tradition of good luck?  I guess I better stock up on horseshoes and clovers because I need all the luck I can get!!!  I want to be lucky in love!!!

{denied}

So... I was going through my matches last night and closing out archived ones that I haven't communicated with and I came across 3 or 4 that closed me out.  There were ones who we started communication that closed me out (must not have liked my answers) and there were those who just closed me out automatically (must not of liked me AT ALL)... but instead of feeling rejected it made me feel better for when I close out guys that I don't think are a good match.  Ahh... the circle of dating life.  One thing that caught my eye though was that The Greek closed me out.  Now... am I to think that he decided against me after we met or that he closed me out as a way of organizing his matches???  He did text me quite a few times since we have met and I recently texted him when I got back from vacation and got a quick reply from him... so.... I guess we will see if he contacts me anytime soon.  Stay tuned to As The Dating World Turns...

{off track}

Ahhh... I think I have gotten a bit off track.  I need to consult my spreadsheet... YES SPREADSHEET... to see where I am with all of this match up craziness.  The fact that I get 7 matches a day keeps this online dating thing a constant chore.  But, I am optimistic that it will result in something good... scratch that... something GRRRRRREAT!!! <---channeling a little Tony the Tiger there.


Ok... so I should at least focus on the Dating Dozen...


The Smile: <swoon> I emailed him yesterday... he usually takes a few days to get back to me... I wait...


Ray of Sunshine: I responded to his email 2 weeks ago... and no reply from him... hmmmm... and he was a favorite... well, that's the nature of the online dating game I guess... I may hold out hope for another week or so for him.


Cajun Cutie: I emailed him today... I had been out of touch since my race and vacation... I am hoping he will take the initiative and ask me out so we can finally meet.


Angry Birds: I think he has flown the coop... I saw him out at a bar and I am pretty sure he saw me but wasn't interested in leaving the people he was with to talk to me... I think he is going in the Acquaintance Atrium and off the Dating Dozen list.


The Greek:  Met him before I left for my race/vacation.  I was glad to recognize that his profile (pictures and descriptions) were very accurate in person.  It was a very casual meeting and I was with a friend, so I am still interested to see how a one on one situation would go.  Texting has resumed.


Georgia on my Mind: He emailed me before my race/vacation and I hadn't responded.  I just emailed him now and am happy to be back in touch.  Another one that I hope will grab the reins and set up a date soon.  I guess I could suggest it, but I like to be a bit old fashioned and wait for the guy to give it a go.  But, if they need a bit of a push sometimes, I will jump in.


Military Man:  I answered the Military Man's open-ended questions and sent him mine... this was 13 days ago (according to my little online elf)... I'm wondering if I didn't make it through Basic???


The Steeler:  The Steeler sent me email... I have procrastinated with him.  I can't remember if we actually went through the entire questiony questiony process... I'll have to look on my computer (since my app don't do that.)  I could just answer his email... but I am a little if-y about  him.  He seems nice and normal, but I wonder if we will connect.


The Guru:  I think I ruled out The Guru when I got more interesting matches... he kind of fell by the wayside and I think he many have a replacement soon enough.


The Old Guy:  Same thing for the old guy... honestly... I can't even remember which one he is.  I could go back and look, but that should tell me something if I wasn't impressed enough to remember him. Eh... there are more new matches daily... a few cuties from yesterday and today may be moving in.


The Nose: Hmm... I am still wishy-washy about him too... can you tell I have favorites and fillers?  But I do want to give the fillers a chance, especially is some of the favorites are dropping off the face of the dating earth.


The Prez:  He was a new one that was to replace Mr. Fish... I still haven't responded to his communication.  Guess I will reevaluate my matches and see if he makes the cut... sheesh... I feel like an employer interviewing for a single open position... but I guess that is what this is.


I tell you what, I never thought I would be 31(ish) and interviewing for the position of the love of my life.  I guess it comes differently for everyone.  I can only imagine if i were to have settled for any of my "almosts" what my life would be like.  I may have been able to have a wedding and possibly the family I want, but I do not believe I would be happy.  So, here I am... searching... hoping... and saying {hello} to a lot of new people.

{daydreaming at night}

Is it too much to want someone who loves that fact that I believe nothing is the end of the world and at the same time they will be the one to remind me of this when times are tough? I think the one thing I crave the most is reassurance. I am a pretty confident and independent person but I want a love that will become second nature to me. I want a love that I won't doubt and one that will comfort me when I need it. I need reassurance that everything will always be alright and that I am a pretty awesome chick. Just saying!

{back to reality}

Whew… just got back from vacation and while my phone wasn’t working that well in rural America, the online dating elves were still hard at work sending me match after match after match.  I have a lot of weeding to do today!  On top of that, I have some catching up to do with a few of the Dating Dozen.  The Greek texted me, Cajun Cutie emailed me and…

<cue bells and whistles>

The Smile answered my three questions… so now it is my turn to start the whole email process!  I am excited to do so… but am still nervous at the same time.  I want to make sure he gets a clear picture of who I am without going overboard or talking too much (what me? Never!).  So… I have some catch-up to do from being away from the dating world and the rest of the world for the past week.  But… it was worth it!  I feel like I got a good re-boot and got to fill up on family time, best friend time, and lots of food!  Back to life… back to reality (and back to the gym.)