{a little clean up is in order}

So…

I had a couple of revelations last night.  I was at a concert in the park with friends and wanted so badly to share the experience with The Smile… I missed him.  Knowing I wont see him this weekend made me realize that I will (and do) miss him.  I have an attachment already.  Which I like.  It is good when this little realization sneaks up on me and slaps me in the face saying “hey you… guess what?  You really DO like him.”  That’s just about the time when the next one says “uh… oh… you really DO like him.”

My other realization was that I need to wrap up some of my casual relationships.  Now, don’t get THAT idea… by casual I mean the friendships I have had with other guys that are great and have been fun, but they won’t work if I want to be serious about The Smile.  I talked with one of my friends last night with whom I have been friends with for the last five years, but we only see each other when it is convenient.  I spoke up for myself and what I think and where I feel like I am right now… and to my surprise it was accepted well.  I think that I need to take a step back from my habits and take a look at how I spend my time and with whom.  I have a lot of great friends and I keep myself busy spending time with them all.  But the main reason I do this is because I don’t want to be home alone when the sucky loneliness sinks in.  I think at this point I may need a little bit of lonely time to actually get things done for me.  My thirty-something (again) birthday is fastly approaching and I think that 32 (there I said it) will need to be an awakening year.  I think it could be my best year yet and I feel like it is time that my dreams come true.  I think by putting myself out there with the whole dating scene has been a big step to having my life move in the direction that I want it to.

So my revelations are… I like him… I really do.  And… I need to sweep away the casual and convenient to make room for the serious and sincere.