{from stud to dud}

It is so disappointing when you feel like you have a connection with someone through all your emails or texting and then you meet them and that goes right out the door.  I had been emailing with this very hilarious guy and we had great witty banter going back and forth, I was so excited to meet him.  From the first meeting to the uninvited kiss, the night was very waaaahhhnnnttt waaaahhhnnnttt.  For someone who was so entertainingly funny he turned out to be a dud.  He was so expressionless all night long and even when he would ask questions as I would talk he showed no interest or response.  This is exactly why I say meet them as soon as possible, even really great emails can be deceiving.

So, I will say that it is a bit exciting to have a different date almost every night of this week.  The goal is to actually get to the second date, but even if you don’t get past the first, you at least aren’t wasting your time with just emails.  I have crossed off quite a few fish already and am happy to do so.  I am also surprised by the Tall fish who has been very consistent and with whom I have a date tonight.  This will actually be the third time we’ve hung out. He seems to be slow and steady and I am very comfortable with him.  We’ll see how this progresses.

{I'm cookin'}

If variety is the spice of life than I am cookin’ up something tasty!  On Sunday I met Tall Fish, last night I met PA Fish, and by chance also met Latin Fish.  Tonight I am meeting Blue Fish.  Why do I feel like Dr. Seuss?  I don’t feel like I am a serial dater (fisher, maybe) by doing this.  I feel like it is the best way to actually get to know these guys and find out if there is a connection.  I don’t want to waste their time or mine if emailing is all we are good at.

So, 1 fish, 2 fish, red fish, blue fish…

I will report back as to which is actually a catch!

{hopless realist... doesn't have the same ring to it}

I am trying to nail down the patterns that I am starting to see develop.  When your inbox is flooded by emails from people who you don’t know from Adam… it can get hard to keep a grip on reality.  Yes, it is complementary that there are people who are interested in you.  They have seen your pictures, they have read your blurb, and now they have this idea in their head as to who you are and what they like about you.  I also have to remind myself that I am on the other side of this spectrum too.  I am looking at these profiles and photos and trying to imagine who these guys are.  And that’s what you can’t loose track of; you have your own idea of who they are.  You have perceived things from a few photos and short words. 

I get excited when there is someone that I can email back and forth for a few days.  It is very nice that someone shows interest in me to continuously hold a conversation.  It is easy to lose yourself in this pseudo online relationship.  Then there are the ones you may be interested in that will email you but not hold a steady stream of contact.  And because we are human we will crave the attention of the one who isn’t giving it as freely.

I am thankful for the ones with back and forth conversations that hold my interest, and the fact that I am obviously holding his interest since he keeps the conversation going.  I cannot, however, let myself get lost in it.  I am starting to drift off to this area of thought where I feel like I know him, almost as if I have met him and have the feeling that I know everything about him.  Don… don… don… don… The comfort zone.  The comfort zone is great when you have actually met someone.  But don’t get lost in it when you simply emailing back and forth.  You will set yourself up for disappointment if you give into your imagination too much.  You want to stay as realistic (not pessimistic) as possible.  Keep your thoughts of him to what you absolutely know about him.  He’s tall.  He has brown hair.  His picture is attractive.  He has a dog.  He is an engineer.  He likes Mumford and Sons.  Keep it simple and embrace the facts.  So when you meet him all of the things that underlie those facts will come out and you will be surprised… and hopefully impressed.

As for those guys that don’t give you as much but you are still interested in knowing them; you end up being patient when it comes to their timeliness.  You are going to end up imagining so much more about them.  It is the case of wanting what you can’t have.  And you will start making excuses as to why it takes 5 days for him to answer your email.  You are going to exaggerate all of the good qualities you think you know about him.  You are going to imagine yourself with him so much more than the guy you are talking to every single day.  This is all superficial.  Yes, they may turn out to be a great guy who was just busy, but you have to recognize the obvious.  If a guy is returning your emails 10 minutes after you send them (every time)… he is interested in you.  If a guy is answering your emails every 5 days… something else is holding his interest.

My advice is this… keep your feet grounded in the reality of the situation while you let your imagination run wild.  Be hopeful, but be rational.  And for goodness sakes, meet them as soon as you can.

{ouch}

I got schooled.  One of the fishies emailed me and instead of a simple response I went and made up this generic, about me response to try and sell myself.  He totally called me out on it, said it sounded like a template to send to “all the boys in the yard.”  Wow, lesson learned!  I am glad to have the learning experiences; I just wish they weren’t with the guys that I think could be a really good match.  I am afraid that I misrepresented myself now.

Ok… no more template me (although I did send the same thing to several other guys too.)  Wrong bait!  No more fake plastic, glittery worms… only the real stuff from now on!

{gone fishing}

So…

I guess I went through online dating withdrawals…

Not really, but it was a bit depressing not to have options sent to your mailbox daily.  I think that aspect kept my hopes up.  I would still love to meet someone the old fashioned way, you know… like... while I’m grocery shopping... and we both reach for the same ripe tomato… or something like that.  But I like the idea of having a steady stream of possibilities without having to leave the house.  Don’t get me wrong, I am not holding myself up in my room.  But I can stay home and get things done and all the while have opportunities coming to my inbox… it is dating multitasking.

Since I didn’t have a good success rate with the whole harmonious dot come site, I was curious as to the things I’ve heard about this fishing one.  It’s free… that can’t be good.   You get what you pay for right?  Well, let’s just say I am testing the waters right now.  The good thing about fishing is... if they don’t measure up, you can always throw them back!  And so far I have a decent little fish tank going on.  I do feel like I still have control of the situation and can block those fish that are way too scaly and slimy.  There are definitely guys on there that have no intention of being caught; they just want to pull at your line.  I’ve been a single angler girl for so long, I can usually spot them a nautical mile away.

And on an amusing note… I have already seen an ex boyfriend, an old classmate, and a co-worker swim by.  I guess there really are plenty of fish in the sea.

{in the gut}

So my best advice for my friend who has ventured into the lovely world of online dating (and any of you who may be reading out there) is to go with your gut.  Follow your instincts.  I don’t know if I am the best person to be giving advice… seeing how I am not exactly successful in the dating realm.  But I do have a TON of experience now.  Hmm… wonder what my dating resume would look like.

I have come away from the dot com dates with a very good perspective and feel like I could lend a few words of encouragement (or warning) and stand behind them.  I do still feel like you have to jump in, have faith, give people a chance… but over all, listen to your inner voice.  The one that makes the first judgments when you meet someone, the one that tells you this or that is a red flag, and the one that says you can do better.  And while I think it is a good thing to give someone a chance to show you who they are, I think you need to ignore that other inner voice that says “but you’re lonely”, or “maybe he’s just fill in the blank.”  Do not make excuses for someone you do not know.  Do not make him out to be the person you want him to be in your head.  Give him a chance, let him show you himself, and if your gut chimes in… listen to it.

So, I have had two dates since I have last posted.  One was with You’ve Got Mail and the other was with To Russia with Love.  And if I’m following my own advice, I’d say that neither of them will be sounding off any bells and whistles.  I would give To Russia with Love a shot though.  We had a very short, standard lunch date and I don’t feel like I got a good register of him.  So we will see if he calls for a second date.  I got the standard “we should do this again” farewell.  We’ll see… what do you think gut?

I am still holding out hope for The Biologist… I would really like to meet him and confirm the idea I have of him in my head.  I am afraid that he may have fallen into the pit of being matched with someone newer and shinier.  I hope not… he has been the one who has peeked my interest the most.