{Takin’ a break}

I have decided to take a break from the pursuit of coupledom.  If it happens, it happens.  I will continue to keep my eyes and my heart open, but I will not be obsessing over it, thinking of it every single moment, and wonder when, when, when it will come to me.  I am going to get things in order for myself, spend time with friends, and let it be.

Let it be… perfect sentiment! 

Speaking words of wisdom… let it be!

I have a couple of last feelers out from the we-match-for-you-harmoniously… I will see where they go.  And I will continue to sift through the matches of this last month and then I think I will freeze my membership.  It has gotten daunting and I am burnt out.  I think I have just as good of a chance meeting a stranger on the street than I do online.  I mean with being matched with over 1,000 people and only meeting 4…

Maybe I should do a study… say “hello” to a 1,000 guys and see if 4 ask me out.  Ha!

Nah… let it be!

And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree,

there will be an answer, let it be.

For though they may be parted there is still a chance that they will see,

there will be an answer, let it be.

{Back to the Dating Board??}

Here I go again… back to actually paying attention to the ever so daunting online dating matches.  I shouldn’t sound so forlorn about it.  I should be excited for the possibilities.  But in all honesty, it is a bit discouraging when try after try does not work out.  I do not want to count out The Smile completely, but I have to think that if for two weekends in a row he makes no attempt at seeing me, then he must not be that interested.  It’s sad because he still makes me smile, I guess the idea of him makes me smile… but I need the reality.  I need a REAL boyfriend, one who wants to spend time with me.

It does make me wonder what I do to drive them away… can I chalk it up to opening up too much too soon?  Not staying mysterious?  Or is it a factor of the online dating community where he is constantly given new matches (as am I)?  Well, I guess I just go back to the dating board!

I have two matches that I have been communicating with.  One has called me and he seems like a great guy and we have had a really good 3 hour conversation.  However, he is traveling and I am traveling and we will not be able to meet up for a few weeks… We will name him Dr. Root Canal (I’m sure that will make some of you cringe… but hey… it’s what he does.)

There is another match that I need to email back… we shall dub him To Russia With Love.  I am a little reluctant because he only has one picture on his profile and I have a little hang up about that.  If you cannot come up with at least three pictures of yourself then it makes me wonder a bit.  Do you not have good friends or have good times where cameras are involved?  In your 30 some odd years (preferably in the last year or two) do you not have more than one picture of yourself that you care for?  I am picky about photos myself, but I will find ones that represent who I am so that I can give the right impression.

Any who…

We will see where things go with Dr. Root Canal and To Russia With Love.  Ha… I have so much fun making up these names… maybe I should stick around the online dating for the giggles.

{gut feelings or OCD?}

What is the difference between over analyzing and intuition?  When you are dating someone and you start thinking “maybe he’s not that into me because he hasn’t made an effort to see me when I know he doesn’t have other plans”… is this over analyzing or is it intuition kicking in to prepare you… and if you concentrate on it will it become a self fulfilled prophecy? 

When I am in relationships I can handle my heart… I can let it go, feel all it wants, and even if it gets hurt, I can handle that too.  What I can’t handle is my head.  How can I turn off the constant thought?  And should I?  I have always had accurate gut feelings and when I get to the point I start thinking things that involve my gut I should go ahead and call it quits.  But again, can it be self fulfilling?  Is that my defense mechanism or some sort of OCD? 

Will there be someone who comes along and just wipes all of it away?  Will my thoughts and concerns finally be reduced to how much I like him or how much I LIKE him?  I never want to be blind sided and I can see the security in being aware, but I think I would like some sort of balance of being blissfully unaware and being content.  Someday… right?

{the ga ga phase}

Ok… so maybe I have read too many self help books and over think situations too much, but I wonder how you are supposed to know who the elusive “one” is???  I think by the time I actually admit that I like someone and I am excited to spend time with them… which is actually rare, or at least not at a high ratio to the number of guys that I’ve met… when I have come to the point where I will admit I like them, that I am willing to be vulnerable with my feelings it seems that if I can continually spend time with them my feelings will get stronger and I will get to the whole ga ga phase (and not Lady Gaga…that’s a whole other phase all together.)  But… at the same time, if I open myself up to someone and admit to my feelings and things kind of pan off, we don’t spend a lot of time together, etc… I just chalk it up to them not being the “one”.  Am I supposed to let go of it that easily?

I have been lead to believe that if he wanted to be with me he would be making every effort to want to spend as much time as possible with me.  But where is the give and take?  If I don’t make the effort and he doesn’t make the effort… then do we let a rare find of compatibility just slip away?  Is it because one is waiting for confirmation from the other, do both of us over think things and not want to come across too needy?  Ugh!  Maybe I should be a hermit.  Maybe I should get two more cats and be the creepy single girl with too many cats. 

**on a side note… I saw a car the other day with those stick people stickers on the back of it and it was a girl stick person with four stick figure cats… who would advertise that???

… ok… so back to the matter at hand… should I assume that if he isn’t making consistent plans to see me then he isn’t that interested?  Has the excitement subsided?  Or do I suck up the pride and actually call him, see what he’s been up to?  Grrr…. Dating ain’t for sissies!!!!

{Here I am…}

I have been MIA lately… and sadly I don’t really have anything exciting to blame it on.  I have gotten very lackadaisical about keeping up with the online pursuit.  I practically stopped when I met The Smile.  And since I continue to enjoy his company and getting to know him, I lack the energy to keep up with the dot com matches.  I was going to cancel my membership all together last month, but I forgot to and have already been charged for the following month.  I think I will give it a look and overview what I have been ignoring to make the decision to keep going or to put the brakes on it and see where The Smile leads me.

On the subject of The Smile…

I like him… I like him a lot.

He is very easy to be around and is the happiest person I have ever met.  He laughs at everything.

I think we have our differences… but we also have a lot of similarities and appreciate a lot of the same things.

I like his relationship with his family and can imagine they would like me.

I think that my family would like him… he is easily likeable.

He is… well… easy to look at.

His friends (the ones that I have met) were very accepting of me.

But on the flip side:

I want to know how he would handle tough situations.

I want to know what he is like outside of the relaxed atmosphere we have been in.

I want to know his strengths and see his weaknesses.

I want to know how he would handle me being upset.

And… I really, really want to change him…

Ok… not him… his shoes!  I am NOT a fan of those hippie sandals.  I hate that my brother wears them, I frown when I see other people wear them.  They may have a good purpose, or great function… but I do NOT like them Sam I Am… GUYS: If you are reading this… get yourself a decent pair of flip flops… they are 100x better than any other sandal type footwear made for men.  There is never a time or place that calls for strappy sandals unless you are going to…. NOPE… can’t even think of one instance. Flip Flops, they are the casual way to go.