{uh oh}

I know I have said in past posts that I always feel better and things seem to get better when I voice my concerns…

Well, here hoping…

I got a bit of a shock to the system last week, and by system I mean that emotional system that I try and keep a wall up around (well maybe a fence.)  Tall fish told me he was going out of town for work again.  No big deal right?  Well he told me he was going to be gone for two weeks come home for two days and then leave again for two weeks.  Ouch!  My heart sank the moment he told me this.  This sucks!  A month without him?  I actually felt tears welling up and I pouted like a 2-year old who had his toys taken away.  But in those moments I realized what I was feeling.  Feelings!  I not only care for him but I care about him; not that I didn’t know this before, I just hadn’t had that slap in the face realization until then.  I really do care about him.  I really do want something serious with him.  I really do miss him when he is gone.  I am now really, really scared!

I am not afraid of relationships.  I am not afraid of him in anyway.  I am however afraid of being hurt because I now know that this will hurt if something happens.  And now I am a little worried that he has withdrawn a bit.  I can’t think of anything I have done to make this happen.  I think I am just getting the “oh crap” feelings that make me worry about every little itty bitty thing.  I have had a long week with a lot going on, so things are definitely a little off.  I am hoping that it is the same on his end, that this week has just been a crazy one.

Oh, and on a side note, he doesn’t have to be gone the whole month.  He was just kidding with me.  He was gone over night a couple of days ago and will leave again in a week.  I am praying to the relationship Gods that I am just being a silly girl who has realized that there is a lot at stake here.  I want to keep things in perspective too.  We have only been dating for just over two months.  It is good that I am realizing what this means to me, but I do believe it is still early in the game to freak out about little itty bitty details.  Here’s hoping I have plenty of time to analyze and freak out about our relationship later (kidding.)