{the ga ga phase}

Ok… so maybe I have read too many self help books and over think situations too much, but I wonder how you are supposed to know who the elusive “one” is???  I think by the time I actually admit that I like someone and I am excited to spend time with them… which is actually rare, or at least not at a high ratio to the number of guys that I’ve met… when I have come to the point where I will admit I like them, that I am willing to be vulnerable with my feelings it seems that if I can continually spend time with them my feelings will get stronger and I will get to the whole ga ga phase (and not Lady Gaga…that’s a whole other phase all together.)  But… at the same time, if I open myself up to someone and admit to my feelings and things kind of pan off, we don’t spend a lot of time together, etc… I just chalk it up to them not being the “one”.  Am I supposed to let go of it that easily?

I have been lead to believe that if he wanted to be with me he would be making every effort to want to spend as much time as possible with me.  But where is the give and take?  If I don’t make the effort and he doesn’t make the effort… then do we let a rare find of compatibility just slip away?  Is it because one is waiting for confirmation from the other, do both of us over think things and not want to come across too needy?  Ugh!  Maybe I should be a hermit.  Maybe I should get two more cats and be the creepy single girl with too many cats. 

**on a side note… I saw a car the other day with those stick people stickers on the back of it and it was a girl stick person with four stick figure cats… who would advertise that???

… ok… so back to the matter at hand… should I assume that if he isn’t making consistent plans to see me then he isn’t that interested?  Has the excitement subsided?  Or do I suck up the pride and actually call him, see what he’s been up to?  Grrr…. Dating ain’t for sissies!!!!

{Here I am…}

I have been MIA lately… and sadly I don’t really have anything exciting to blame it on.  I have gotten very lackadaisical about keeping up with the online pursuit.  I practically stopped when I met The Smile.  And since I continue to enjoy his company and getting to know him, I lack the energy to keep up with the dot com matches.  I was going to cancel my membership all together last month, but I forgot to and have already been charged for the following month.  I think I will give it a look and overview what I have been ignoring to make the decision to keep going or to put the brakes on it and see where The Smile leads me.

On the subject of The Smile…

I like him… I like him a lot.

He is very easy to be around and is the happiest person I have ever met.  He laughs at everything.

I think we have our differences… but we also have a lot of similarities and appreciate a lot of the same things.

I like his relationship with his family and can imagine they would like me.

I think that my family would like him… he is easily likeable.

He is… well… easy to look at.

His friends (the ones that I have met) were very accepting of me.

But on the flip side:

I want to know how he would handle tough situations.

I want to know what he is like outside of the relaxed atmosphere we have been in.

I want to know his strengths and see his weaknesses.

I want to know how he would handle me being upset.

And… I really, really want to change him…

Ok… not him… his shoes!  I am NOT a fan of those hippie sandals.  I hate that my brother wears them, I frown when I see other people wear them.  They may have a good purpose, or great function… but I do NOT like them Sam I Am… GUYS: If you are reading this… get yourself a decent pair of flip flops… they are 100x better than any other sandal type footwear made for men.  There is never a time or place that calls for strappy sandals unless you are going to…. NOPE… can’t even think of one instance. Flip Flops, they are the casual way to go. 

{No ifs, ands, or RUTS about it}

Yes… I’m still alive…

I know I haven’t written in a while… and honestly, I don’t have much to write about.  I have not been so active in the dating scene lately.  Although, I am up to date number FIVE with The Smile.  He was going away for a long weekend so we met for a quick drink to watch the sunset.  It was a beautiful evening and nice to watch it from the rooftop.  AND… he was so very sweet and brought me a birthday present since he was going to miss my birthday over the weekend.  AND… he was even more sweet to give me Jenga.  It was the game we played on our first date.  SO…. Quadruple brownie points for him for being thoughtful and sentimental!!!!

Now… I want things to get going.  I want to feel like this is a relationship more than just a date here or there.  Things need to pick up a little more.  I am not complaining, I just think that relationships should develop at certain paces or things get stale and then you get stuck in a rut.  I don’t want any ruts anymore. 

{Excitement…}

Maybe I need to break out the ol’ thhhhesaurus and update my library of words to explain my excitement.

How about…

Enthusiasm

Thrill

Exhilaration

Anticipation

Eagerness

Expectation

Elation

Jubilation

I can go on and on and on…

I am very EXCITED to have another date (number 4) planned for this Friday with The Smile!  I think the anticipation of the 4 days between now and then is bittersweet.  I like looking forward to it… but at the same time I want to see him… I want to spend as much time as possible with him to affirm these feelings that I feel when I am away from him.  I tend to daydream… a lot.  And I don’t want to get carried away by my own imagination.  I have very solid affirmation from the time we have spent together so far, but not seeing him for 9 days will get to me.  Especially with the way this lovely online dating scene has treated me in the past.  I wholeheartedly do not think that he is spending his time fitting in as many dates with other internet gals as he can.  I honestly don’t even think he pays too much attention to it (I hope.)  I, myself, kind of have a snobbish look at my matches now.  They have a lot to overcome to get my attention.  I am deleting left and right with absolutely no remorse and I haven’t answered any requests for communication in weeks.  So…

I am EXCITED with the way things are going,  No rush, just a yearning to see him more and get to know him better and spend time together and share experiences with him and…

Ok… you get the picture.  I’m EXCITED!

{a little clean up is in order}

So…

I had a couple of revelations last night.  I was at a concert in the park with friends and wanted so badly to share the experience with The Smile… I missed him.  Knowing I wont see him this weekend made me realize that I will (and do) miss him.  I have an attachment already.  Which I like.  It is good when this little realization sneaks up on me and slaps me in the face saying “hey you… guess what?  You really DO like him.”  That’s just about the time when the next one says “uh… oh… you really DO like him.”

My other realization was that I need to wrap up some of my casual relationships.  Now, don’t get THAT idea… by casual I mean the friendships I have had with other guys that are great and have been fun, but they won’t work if I want to be serious about The Smile.  I talked with one of my friends last night with whom I have been friends with for the last five years, but we only see each other when it is convenient.  I spoke up for myself and what I think and where I feel like I am right now… and to my surprise it was accepted well.  I think that I need to take a step back from my habits and take a look at how I spend my time and with whom.  I have a lot of great friends and I keep myself busy spending time with them all.  But the main reason I do this is because I don’t want to be home alone when the sucky loneliness sinks in.  I think at this point I may need a little bit of lonely time to actually get things done for me.  My thirty-something (again) birthday is fastly approaching and I think that 32 (there I said it) will need to be an awakening year.  I think it could be my best year yet and I feel like it is time that my dreams come true.  I think by putting myself out there with the whole dating scene has been a big step to having my life move in the direction that I want it to.

So my revelations are… I like him… I really do.  And… I need to sweep away the casual and convenient to make room for the serious and sincere.

{think... think... think...}

I have had a tendency to over think relationships or situations in the past.  While I do think it is good to recognize your feelings and to enjoy the thoughts that those feelings stir up, I need to make sure I don’t psych myself out, or make things out of nothing.  I don’t want to make myself analyze things just so I can have something to post on my blog, but I do want to share how I am feeling and what is going on.

As for now, I am excited.  I am very excited to get to know The Smile more and more and more.  And I feel exceptionally comfortable with him.  It is very easy for us to just go on and on and on about anything.  I like that we can joke and tease about things already and that there really haven’t been too many boundaries on our conversations.  There has been no “hmm, if I say this, what will he think of me.”  I like that I feel that I am very much my true self with him and I honestly think he sees me for who I am.  Now, mind you, we have only hung out together twice so far.  However, this last time was a good 8.5 hours long and 99% of that was spent talking and laughing and telling stories.

So… my sentiment for right now is EXCITEMENT!  Excitement about what I know so far.  Excitement for what I can’t wait to learn.  Excitement for the possibility of something really great!!!

{A major feat}

This just in…

Yes, Osama is dead… but in even bigger news…

I made it to a second date.  And even have plans for a third!!!

And everything is as it should be.  Great conversations, an amazing comfort level, a good amount of joking around.  But my favorite is the casual mentions of future events.  Oh… and the sweet first kiss!!!

I am so happy to embrace this feeling of excitement.  I am so very excited for the process of getting to know him.  And he is so receptive to me and gives me the feeling that he is very interested in me, which is such a great realization.  It seems so common sense, but it has been very rare for me, to be in that situation where you both are equally interested in each other and excited for what is to come.  That is exactly where I am right now, very excited for what may come.

Yay for second dates…and thirds… and fourths… and hopefully more than you’ll want me to count (but I probably still will.)